5. MAKE CONTINGENCY PLANS IN CASE OF A BREAKUP
Nobody wants to talk about breaking up when you’re on the cusp of something exciting like moving in together, but these types of conversations are important.
“People think they are going to jinx their relationships if they talk about breaking up,” says Solomon. “There is a way to talk about it. For example, you could say: ‘While all our energy is going into making this a successful, wonderful next step, we do need to talk about what happens if it doesn’t work out.’”
She recommends keeping money separate, at least at first. Later on, couples can create a joint checking account to deal with household bills.
Concepcion says furniture and the lease agreement are also important topics in case of a breakup. “Make sure you both have an understanding as to who will get the furniture, who leaves and who stays in the apartment, do you forfeit the security deposit, what happens if you’re buying property together and you’re both on the deed.”
If you are buying property together or going in on a mortgage, she says you may want to consider bringing in an attorney to draft an agreement that can stand up in court.
“Make sure this is an open, honest, and loving conversation,” says Concepcion.
6. EXPECT BUMPS ALONG THE ROAD
A lot of people approach moving in together, getting married and having kids with a highly romanticized viewpoint. This is a dangerous way to approach cohabitation, because you’ll get frustrated when things don’t go as planned.
“I want couples to anticipate and expect that real life is far messier and bumpier than the idealized view,” says Solomon. “There’s an element of sharing domestic life that is just a grind because there are so many points of possible friction. My way vs. your way, my definition of normal vs. yours, my needs vs. your needs. There are just so many more opportunities for conflict.”
When you do have conflict in your relationship, Solomon wants to remind you to focus on the positive and what’s going well. “When we’re scared we tend to focus on what’s hard, our losses or the downsides to a situation. Instead, try to focus on the good things.”
Expecting bumps when you’re living together means you’ll be able to handle them better, rather than feeling surprised and let down.
