1. DECIDE, RATHER THAN SLIDE, INTO MOVING IN TOGETHER
It may be tempting to move in together out of convenience. There can be all kinds of practical reasons — your lease is up, you spend so much time at your partner’s place anyway, you’ll both save money, your roommate just moved out. Maybe you don’t even live in the same city, and one of you is ready to move cross-country due to the inconvenience and expenses of travelling back and forth.
Regardless of all the external factors, it’s important to make a conscious decision that moving in together is the right next step for your relationship.
“You want to make sure it makes sense toward the arc of commitment in your lives,” says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, Licensed Clinical Psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University. “I want people to find ways to make space for a conversation about why they’re deciding to move in together. Looking at the ‘why’ instead of just the pragmatic aspects of cohabitation.”
Lisa Concepcion, a Certified Professional Love Life Coach with LoveQuest Coaching, says she often sees clients moving in together way too fast, and for the wrong reasons.
“I see a lot of people moving in with their partner because they want emotional nurturing or a mother/father figure to take care of them,” she says. “Others might be inclined to depend on their partner financially.”
Having a conversation about the goals and the whys of moving in together is a big first step toward making cohabitation a reality. Does one person think moving in together means marriage, while the other doesn’t? Would you rather be engaged first? Or are you both okay with simply living together with no further commitment?
Make sure you feel ready — financially and personally — to join lives with another person.
2. FIGURE OUT WHERE YOU’LL MOVE IN TOGETHER AND WHAT YOU’LL BRING
A lot of people decide to move into the other person’s house or apartment, but if you decide to go this route, be careful.
“In an ideal world it’s nice to move into a space that’s fresh without any memories of the past,” says Minal Nebhnani, Licenced Professional Clinical Counselor with Honest Space Psychotherapy. “But if someone is moving into someone else’s space, treat it as a new space rather than someone else’s old space. The person moving in should have equal say about what stays and what goes, how to decorate, etc. They should feel the space is theirs as much as it is their partner’s.”
Concepcion also recommends signing a lease together on a new place and doing so intentionally. “Look at when your leases expire and plan a date when you’ll move in together. If one of your leases ends sooner, ask your landlord for a few extra months where you can pay rent month to month. Then, if the time rolls around and one of you gets cold feet, you still have a place to live,” she advises.
Have a conversation about which furniture you’ll bring, what you’ll store, and what you’ll buy together. Moving in together is a great time to downsize, get rid of stuff, or get a storage unit to keep larger items you won’t need in your new place together. You’ll also want to plan your moving process, whether you’re moving locally or long-distance. Will you need to rent a truck, hire full-service movers, or use a portable moving container to make downsizing and storage easier?
