3. TALK ABOUT CHORES AND MONEY
Chores and money are major fight triggers in a relationship, and it’s important to hash out the details before the big day. Who will do the laundry or will you each do your own? Who’s in charge of cooking and doing dishes? Who takes out the trash?
Solomon encourages couples to make an agreement rather than a compromise when talking about chores. “Agreement implies both people are invested in the plan, while compromise highlights the fact that both people aren’t getting what they want. It can be a good idea to write out your agreement so everything’s clear and on paper.”
According to Solomon, that’s because who does what around the house can trigger old childhood wounds.
“When couples move in together, it’s where old family issues are played out,” says Solomon, author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want. “If I’m cooking and you’re watching TV, I feel you have become my absent father and I’m my overworked, resentful mother.”
Money is also a big issue to talk about before moving in together. Have an open and honest dialogue about who is paying for what. Will you split the rent, or will one person pay rent and the other be in charge of food and bills? Do you put money into a joint account for household expenses or do you keep your own accounts?
“However detailed you can get about the way things are going to operate the better,” says Concepcion. “This is a huge, necessary conversation and people need to be on the same page before they cohabitate.”
4. REMEMBER “ME TIME”
Moving in together is an exciting step in a relationship, and you may be tempted to spend all your waking hours with the other person.
But it’s still important to maintain your own sense of individuality. Create a little corner of the space that’s all yours, like a reading nook or a desk.
Also, be sure to schedule time away from the other person.
“Continue seeing your friends, going out on your own, having your own life and hobbies,” says Nebhnani.
Plus, if you keep up with your own friends and hobbies, this ensures you always have something new and exciting to talk about at the dinner table.
