In charge on a rotating basis
One of the big decisions that parents make when divorcing is where and with whom their children will live after the divorce. Psychologist Leea Mattila says there is no one way that is better than another. What’s right for one family may not be right for another.
«There are respected colleagues in my field who are quite critical of the idea of children living in alternating families. I think it unnecessarily blames parents. That’s why it’s also good to talk about the benefits of alternating housing,» says Mattila.
«The effect can be that children also have another parent in their lives who takes an active part and responsibility in their daily lives.»
Sometimes, before the separation, one of the parents was clearly the main one responsible for the children’s daily life: staying at home to take care of the fever patients, buying new knickers and shirts, remembering hobbies, friends’ birthdays and bedtime stories. If the children live alternately with both parents after the divorce, the situation changes.
«Alternating living arrangements can have the effect of giving the children another parent in their lives who takes an active part and responsibility in their daily lives. This is actually quite common. So the relationship between the child and the parent may even be strengthened after the separation.»
Mattila also believes that for young children, living in two homes can be overwhelming and confusing. For alternating housing to work for older children, he says, the parents’ homes need to be close enough to each other to ensure that they have the same daycare, school and friends all the time.
