«Sometimes it’s enough to say, ‘Hey, these 15 text messages from you tonight are bothering me. As weird as it sounds, your partner may not have realised it themselves.»
«It’s about poor cognitive skills. You can learn to recognise and deal with emotions, but you usually need professional help.»
According to Hyvärinen, violence always breaks something: trust, furniture or peace of mind. You cannot justify calling someone names or lashing out by saying «I’m a bit of a firebrand».
«If someone else is scared, it’s violence.»
Emotional skills can be learned
A typical case is that of a family man with young children, work pressures – and an overwhelming sense of shame about his behaviour.
«It’s about poor emotional skills. You can learn to recognise and deal with emotions, but usually you need professional help.»
There is always an emotion behind violence: helplessness, loneliness, fear. But no emotion can take away the responsibility of the perpetrator.
«Violence is always the sole responsibility of the perpetrator. The victim should not even take partial blame.»
